Content warning: This article contains discussions on suicide and mental health.
Actress and comedian Tuesday Vargas narrated how she found a new purpose in her life and why she decided to continue living. In an interview with veteran broadcaster Luchi Cruz-Valdes, she shared how divine intervention worked for her to stop herself from committing suicide.
Tuesday has been going through therapy since 2018 and has been vocal about raising mental health awareness in the country. She previously revealed that she had belen diagnosed with generalized anxiety, PTSD, and panic disorder.
READ: Tuesday Vargas goes on a mental health break in Hong Kong
She recalled this was the second time she attempted to end her life and it was the closest that she has gotten. She shared how she was in Hawaii, doing 13 shows in five weeks, and felt lonely after each show as she would be alone in her room.
“I remember [when] I was in the US, I did a five week show–– 13 shows. Pagod na pagod na ako parang nagpapasaya ako ng tao then you go to a car, yung service mo going back to the hotel, then suddenly it’s quiet–– nakakabingi po yun,” she shared.
“When they go back to their own spaces, it’s quiet. It makes you question: do they really love me or is it because of my name or what I can do for them? Make them laugh, at that moment, make them feel entertained,” she added.
It was the first time Tuesday revealed details about her second attempt to end her life as she’s more comfortable talking about it Now. She maintained that she’s been in therapy since then and has found her purpose in life.
“Sabi ko sa sarili ko, when I go back to the hotel, I’ll jump on the balcony. So I prepared my letter and all of that–– letter to my son, my mom, my fans. I even wrote something for my fans ganun kasi siya ka conscientious kasi I don’t want to leave them hanging. I want to tell them na this is not quitting. It’s just that I can’t handle it–– hindi ko na kaya,” she recalled.
READ: Tuesday Vargas opens up about the lowest point in her life and how faith restored her
As she was about to jump off from the ledge of her hotel’s balcony, Tuesday was given a sign at the very last second.
“Tumingin ako sa langit, tapos bumukas yung ulap. Umaraw ulit, huling araw bago mag dilim. Tapos derecho siya sa mukha ko. Walang paliwanag, alam ko agad,” she said.
“Nakatingin lang ako sa taas sabi ko sa langit, opo. Naiintindihan ko po then I stepped away from the balcony. I closed the sliding door, I sat on the bed and I cried. I cried until I fell asleep,” she continued.
From that moment, the comedian actress shared that it’s been a mission for her to spread positivity and remind her fans how precious life actually is.
“Wag kayong bumitaw kasi ang daming gustong mabuhay–– ang sarap mabuhay. Mabigyan ka ng ganitong pagkakataon maging tao sa panahon na ‘to na pwede kang mabuhay ng maraming ipaglaban dahil may gift ka,” she ended.
* If you or a loved one is in need of help, contact the National Center for Mental Health (NCMH) crisis hotline nationwide at 1553 or 1800-1888-1553; via Smart/TNT at 0919-057-1553; and via Globe/TM at 0917 899-8727.