Content creator-turned-actor and former Pinoy Big Brother: Celebrity Collab Edition housemate Esnyr Ranollo made millions of Filipinos laugh with his YouTube special "First Day High," but behind the scenes, he was carrying a broken heart.
At the Star Magic Spotlight press conference, Esnyr shared that there was a point during the making of the project when he felt he had lost himself.
"I don't wanna lose my heart kasi I lost it. Parang may time na nawalan ako ng puso sa mga bagay. At ewan ko, parang nawala ako sa right path ng life ko," he said.
Esnyr admitted he could not pretend he was fine. He revealed that he and his partner broke up while they were in the middle of the shoot.
However, he did not name his ex-partner.
"Hindi ko masasabing hindi ako nasaktan. Sobrang nasaktan po ako. Lalo na ginagawa namin 'yung First Day High that time. And sobrang fresh pa ng breakup. Mga day 2 out of 17 days," he said.
READ: Esnyr looks back on start of content creator journey five years ago: 'No budget, just pure passion'
Even so, he did not stop the production. He said he thought about the months of preparation, the money he spent, and the effort his team had already poured into the project, and decided that a painful moment in his personal life was not worth throwing all of it away.
"Parang sabi ko, 'Sasayangin ko ba lahat ng pre-prod namin, lahat ng ginastos ko, lahat ng effort, lahat ng passionate fire sa project na 'to just because of the temporary [moment] na nangyari sa buhay ko?'" he said.
Looking back, Esnyr said the biggest thing he is proud of is that he never skipped a day of work.
"I'm proud of myself for showing up every day," he said.
He was also honest about the output, saying it was not the best work he could have delivered. Still, he was grateful that he and his team managed to finish it at all, given what he was going through.
"Actually, hindi pa 'yun ang pinaka-best ko talaga. Pero sobrang na-happy po ako na naitawid namin siya. Kasi niloko ka, maitatawid mo ba?" he said.
READ: Esnyr is still a proud Bisaya despite speaking Tagalog: ‘I carry my roots’
Sharing what he learned from the experience, Esnyr said he takes comfort in knowing that the love he gave was real, and that alone is enough for him.
"Tsaka it's a reminder din for me kasi na-realize ko ngayon na I am the love that I give. So parang hindi ko siya kawalan. Kasi at the end of the day, I'm genuine sa what I give sa mga tao and hindi ka talo 'pag nagmamahal ka," he said.
These days, Esnyr said he is slowly putting himself back together and choosing to pour his energy into his craft instead of into someone who did not deserve it.
"And now, I think this is the season of my life to rebuild myself, to pour the love sa craft ko more than ibuhos ko siya sa pagmamahal sa maling tao," he said.
He added that he is spending more time with the people who value him, including his friends and his home agency.
"And parang nare-remind na rin po ako to bond with my friends. Tsaka more on rebuilding myself ngayon," he said.
"I think mas vina-value ko na 'yung mga nandiyan for me, Star Magic, lahat ng binibigay nila for me. There's more to life than having love life," he added.
Esnyr said he has also been keeping himself busy with new activities.
"Parang nagta-try na ako ng mga things na hindi ko na-try before. Mas nagiging active na ako. Nagiging runner, lahat ng sports pinasukan," he said.
He ended by sharing a piece of advice from Vice Ganda that has stayed with him.
"Sabi nga ni Meme Vice, 'Maraming tao ang uubusin ka. 'Wag ka lang magpaubos.' Kaya 'yun 'yung pinakahugot ko," he said.