Iza Calzado during her interview on journalist Karmina Constantino's YouTube channel 'KC After Hours.' Screenshot from YouTube
Content warning: This article contains discussions of suicide and depression.
In a candid moment, actress Iza Calzado opened up about how her mother's passing once made her afraid of motherhood.
During her interview with broadcast journalist Karmina Constantino for the latter's YouTube channel, Calzado was asked, "Do you also sometimes fear that or question yourself if you have the same affliction that took your mom away from you?".
A mental health advocate who lost her mother to suicide, Calzado paused briefly, dabbing her eyes with a tissue. Despite the deeply personal question, she clarified that she took no offense, noting that Constantino's channel — which posted the interview on Saturday — was the "right platform" for such a discussion.
"This is exactly why I was so fearful of becoming a mother," admitted Calzado, who is now a mother to her three-year-old daughter, Deia Amihan.
"You think it doesn't haunt me, what I witnessed, what I endured. The fear that I might do the same thing. The fear that, God forbid, I might suddenly, you know — that was one of my fears, that I have a child, I give birth, something flips, something snaps," Calzado said.
READ: Iza Calzado opens up about losing mother to depression
"But I try to come from a place of love because that is God's biggest lesson for me," she added.
Calzado said her motherhood journey "is teaching me so much about what my mother possibly went through."
"And she want through a lot, KC," she told Constantino. "I think that's one of the reasons why I also push for women empowerment."
"My mother and I, we've both been in situations I don't want my daughter to be in," said Calzado, who was also open about her postpartum experiences shortly after her daughter's birth.
While she has her fears about her daughter, Calzado also acknowledges: "I also understand that I cannot control everything."
"I can merely shape her and instill in her values and develop that strength and resilience that somehow I have been able to develop. And hopefully, she has it because ultimately I'm not in control, I can only do so much," she said.
"The fear is there, every so often, pero hindi ko siya tinatambayan," she added.
During her interview, Calzado also spoke about taking a step back after years of "overworking" herself in show business, her comeback on the "ASAP" stage in January, being part of She Talks Asia and AKTOR, and her new podcast with husband Ben Wintle.