Trigger warning: This article has mention of self-harm.
Kim Atienza recalled the painful day he received the message from his wife, Feli, that their daughter Emman had passed away.
In a preview of his interview with Jessica Soho posted online on Saturday, November 1, Kim shared: "Two days before that, we knew there was a problem. Emman texted her mommy. Sabi niya, 'Mom I'm in an emergency right now but worry not, there is no self-harm but I need to go to a therapy center.' So ayon ang message sa amin. We knew there was something wrong."
Kim said they tried reaching out to Emman several times but could no longer contact her. "We tried calling her, hindi sumasagot. The next day we tried calling her again, hindi naman sumasagot, so I knew. I was in the Philippines, Feli was in Florida, meron siyang pickleball championship. Buti na lang nasa America na siya when that happened," he shared.
The television host then described the devastating moment he learned the terrible news. "I was waiting here. And then on the second day, I woke up in the morning, may message si Feli: 'I have terribe, terrible news.' I knew already. Napaluhod ako, nanlambot tuhod ko, sabi ko Lord ito na. So I called Feli and Feli said Emman is gone. Nanlambot ako, nanlamig ako, and ang nasa utak ko, 'Lord, dasal ko sa'yo to araw-araw, why?'" he said. "Feli flew right away to LA... I flew to LA also two days after."
He admitted that the pain of losing a child is unlike anything he has ever experienced. "Parang Lord kahit bigyan mo ako ng cancer okay. Tiisin ko 'yan eh. Madali ang physical pain. Titiisin mo 'yan eh. Pero 'yung mamatayan ka ng anak, masakit. Hindi mo alam kung saan galing ang sakit, masakit lang. Masakit sa lahat."
Despite the unimaginable loss, Kim finds comfort in knowing that Emman's life continues to inspire many. "I can see that it is moving a lot of people not only in the Philippines but worldwide. Alam mo ba 'yung anak ko eh si Emman was in New York Times, she was in TMZ, Entertainment Tonight, and painfully I was reading all the comments, and all the articles but what's good about her being writen about was they wrote about what happened and they also wrote about what she stood for, which is a little kindness. Kumalat 'yun eh, a little kindness, Emman was so kind, napakabait ng bata na 'yan, sobra," he remarked.
Kim said he holds on to the belief that his daughter's passing has a greater purpose. "I'd like to think my daughter Emman did not die in vain. We know Emman was sick and she had a few attempts in the past, and my prayer to the Lord for this not to happen, for Emman to be safe, for Emman to be happy, for Emman to heal. Yet this happened. And I knew that nothing happens as an accident, and I know all that things work out well. Everything is planned by the Lord. I know that this is not in vain. Emman did not die in vain, may dahilan at ang dahilan ay maganda. That gives me peace," he stated.
If you or someone you know is struggling with depression or suicidal thoughts, you can reach out to the NCMH Crisis Hotline at 1553 (for landline users), or through their mobile numbers 0917-899-8727 and 0919-057-1553.